I dont wanna do this anymore [part I]

Salam readers..
this entry is the first part of the sequential entries that will be updated soon..
Its basically a life story of the writer as well a story of a muslim who 'found' his religion in an unexpected place..


Born as a muslim kid
as my parents are both muslim
I grew up in a happily normal life
as the other kids did

I reached my teenage period
I realise something is not right
something is missing

I start to ponder upon
what has been lefted out
day by day,
week after week,
until years had passed by,
I still did not found it

I do pray
though I used to not doing them
well, I did blame my surroundings for not being Islamic as how it should be
Muslims did not pray
Muslims drink
Having girlfriend and boyfriend is normal
for not having them you were claimed abnormal

That is what I never did
but I did hang out with those people
I mean girls
as I thought it was okay
as long as I did not over the redline

I dont really into a so called Islamic talks
I do watch them sometimes
But I prefer those reality shows and dramas
If, I can make the choice

Well, my parents doest really teach those things
I never blame them though
as always set in mind that they also dont know

As I pursue my study outside my hometown
I was surprised
Seeing my friend being so Islamic
rarely seeing muslim girls being free-hair
as in hometown its the other way round
Moreover, my housemates pray in the mosque most of the time
as reflected myself whos rarely even pray

so I started to 'change'
I started praying at the mosque
and constantly pray
5 times a day

but,
I still hanging out with the girls
we went to karaoke
as what I used to do back in my hometown
as I claimed we are not over the redline
pluswe were still pray when it is time to do so
..............
{to be continued}

I hate myself for doing those stuff
I envy my friends who raised in an Islamic environment
where their parents teach them how to pray
where they were thought to recite the Qur'an
where their father bring them to the mosque
and many more

I just don't wanna do this anymore...